I'd Hide Myself In A Hole If I Weren't Such A People Person

With every compliment, my self-esteem is lowered a little bit.
I’d like to attract a friend who doesn’t develop feelings for me; someone who isn’t a “friend with other intentions”, or at least someone who respects me as a person enough to still be my friend after I turn him down.

I’d like a boy to look at my mouth when I talk, not what I honestly try to cover.

I’d like a boy to hang out with me because he thinks I’m clever/funny/sweet/interesting, not attractive.

I’d like a boy to give me more compliments on my personality than my body.

I’d also like a car.  Perhaps a Ferrari? 

My relationships with boys matter to me, because most of my friends are boys.  I relate more to girls but boys are funnier, relaxed, and more open to my sense of humor, so I connect with them better.  It doesn’t help that I’m a social butterfly and crave interaction with other human beings at all times.  But boys, you are getting hard to put up with!

Maybe I bring it upon myself.
Do I draw attention to myself?  I admit, I wear makeup.  I wear pretty cute clothes.  I wear more tank tops than t-shirts, but my cleavage rarely shows.  I wear jewelry and spend more than five minutes picking out an outfit each day but in all honesty, it’s like a hobby for me.  Like most girls, I like coordinating clothes with makeup and jewelry.  It’s another creative outlet. 

Maybe the Muslims have a point.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we all dressed alike and every woman had to cover every inch of her body except her makeup-less eyes?  They would have to treat us like individuals.  They couldn’t tell how big our boobs are or how cute our faces are.  It’d be nearly impossible for them to hit on us, because they’d have to know us first.  They’d have to be turned on by our sweetness and our smarts, not how low our shirts are.  We wouldn’t have to try to impress them with our looks.  We’d all look the same but different heights and widths.  Wouldn’t it be great to be treated like an intellectual and not an object all the time?

But we can’t do that.  To demand that every woman respect herself enough to cover everything up would be an invasion of our personal rights.

Damn you, freedom!  Damn you!

Maybe I should stop complaining and make a change.

I’ve thought about not wearing makeup and only wearing t-shirts all the time, but I don’t want to be considered unattractive.  I just want to look nice.  I don’t want to cringe every time I look in the mirror—I’d rather be confident that I am a good looking person.  I just want to know that I am able to charm a boy, not turn multiple boys on.  Maybe there’s a switch for my femininity? 

Maybe these silly physical things shouldn’t matter to me so much.

If someone treats me differently because of the way I look, I shouldn’t want their company.  It’s as simple as that, and as hard to accept as rocks are to chew.  People make their first impressions within the first fifteen seconds of meeting someone and the rest of their time is spent subconsciously finding evidence to support his or her judgment.  By wearing makeup to please and dressing to impress, I’m playing that game.  I’m recognizing the way girls are treated differently because of their external qualities, not their internal ones, and I am allowing myself to be put above some of them. 

So I’ll blame you.

I hate this generation’s priorities and how they’ve influenced me.